reflections

एक बिंदु हूँ मैं। अनंत  हूँ मैं। समर्पण हूँ, विश्वास की लक्ष्मण रेखा। मशाल हूँ, जज़्बातों की नाज़ुक डोर हूँ मैं। नदी की धारा सी बहती, एक पतंग, उड़ चली जाने किस ओर हूँ मैं। धैर्य हूँ, सागर की उठती लहरों सी विशाल। हवा के झोंके की ताज़गी, पुष्प की महक हूँ मैं। खनकती हँसी हूँ मैं। अनकहे बोल हूँ मैं। रंग हूँ, ख्वाब हूँ मैं। एक बिंदु हूँ मैं। अनंत हूँ मैं।।                                         शिखा गुलिया

It was during one of those monotonous metro rides back home (which strangely have been the trigger of a hell lot of random musings) that i spotted this woman, around 25, married, mother to this super active child who kept hopping around. What caught my attention though were her melancholic, deep eyes. She kept staring into a void of sorts all through, unaffected by the contagious energy of her child who left everyone else smiling. She left me rather pensive. Spilling a few words helped. A thousand faces. I seek inspiration, to fill these blank pages. That woman, staring into nothingness. The load of responsibilities, perhaps taking a toll. Is it the weight of those black beads? The red colour? Is she not happy? I know not. Deep brown eyes bear the color pale. Has her soul been caged? I know not. A shout into the void? I hear only the anklets. Those bangles the only color. All this time, she did not give up. For me, she's a warrior. She IS a warrior.

Out in the sky, through the vast expanse of blue that meets the eye. Embracing nature in all its forms, whizzing past winds and storms. If only i could fly! Over the seas, below the stars i'd float. Reach out to the moon up high. If only i could fly! The caressing breeze through the fluorescence of spring, i'd glide past the ocean tide. If only i could fly! Echoing through the mountains, on a magical spree, i'd sing of liberty. This branch, that tree, with my wings fluttering by. If only i could fly! If only i could fly!

Out of nowhere you came, and hit my mind like tsunami. You were a stranger and weren't really. A feeling like never before. What are you? Tell me. Let me in. My heart in shackles, wants to break free. The solitude seeks nirvana, into the infinity. The mind reasons, heart only knows faith. It's beautiful. Please stay. Let's create a little forever.

Law and order : absent police : absent administration : absent government : absent HUMANITY : absent The  'jaat aarakshan' row recently in Haryana looked almost like a government school classroom! Five days of 'house arrest' with a lot of mental toil was what it meant for me and I'm sure a lot many people who witnessed the law and order system in Haryana getting slaughtered at the hands of a few anti - social elements. India stands proudly as the largest democracy in the world and every indian citizen thus bears the right and freedom of expression. Going by this, it was perfectly alright, when a community, feeling the need, peacefully sat down at places, voicing their demands for reservation, harmlessly. Some people took this, or rather exploited the scenario as an opportunity to cause unrest in the society, looting shops, showrooms, setting places ablaze - schools, hospitals, markets , killing other people, attacking residential areas and causing all kinds ...

Me, girl. An eclectic mind, an innocent heart. Random curiosity. An air of eccentricity. Dreams utopian, longings galore. Me, woman. A sceptic mind, an innocent heart. Worn out curiosity? An air of simplicity. Reality driven. Longings no more.

In this age of whatsapp texts which are just a 'bing' away or the time when the act of writing a letter is almost rudimentary and very rare with quite a chance of the humble "emotion carrier on paper" to be the next in line after the telegram and postcard, i took to writing one. Trust me it is so overwhelming a feeling to do so. I had always wanted to do it and it would have very well stayed a longing had i not touched upon it in a conversation with a friend staying in a hostel far away. I told him how much i had wanted to write to someone someday and the very next moment he was like "why don't you write to me?" and i went (with the broadest possible smile on my face) "great! text me your postal address and get the days counting!!" I just couldn't wait and there i was , right in front of the post office the very next day(i never knew it was minutes away from my college!) It was my first time. I had never been to a post office before, cal...

   November 2015 Noida sec 18, metro station, abuzz with activity all day through. Mornings are more like in a fast forward mode. Footsteps pacing up and down, autorikshaws flocked together like honeybees in a comb, little girls selling roses , pinks, reds and yellows , running after every alternate person. Rangoli colours on display, a whole rainbow heaped. The fluorescent ones are perhaps new arrivals. Diwali is around the corner. Amongst all the activity, all the stories , all the colours is one corner , grey, dark, with no activity, no colour, a story unheard, unnoticed. Wrinkled face, each line screaming out pain, deepened with time. Arms spread out. Her eyes sans hope, perhaps run out of tears in all these years. Only numbers have changed year after year , suffering remains a constant for her. As people pass by, hundreds and thousands of them, day and night, a few care to glance at her, a few others throw a coin or two, rest pass, just pass. Being ignored is a part ...

A void, moments of silence. In the crowd, by the window. Loneliness. Cloudy, hazy expanse. Serenity of a white landscape. Faces unknown. All hues of life, black- grey- crimson Neurons ablaze! vague silhouettes. Gaze, sans expression. Oblivion "what?" "nothing"

The tree shed them all. Leaves, yellowed. Flowers, withering. They were a part of him. Was it easy? Tampered upon, the flowers but smiled, and the leaves joined in, pale, living their last. Sacrifice it was Of love.  The tree wept each time. But their lives ended to give life. On and on.. And the flowers smiled.

Putting hours of your life, and a part of yourself, you use the celluloid, to fill an unknown void. Sentiments, feelings amass with infinite promises days pass. Dusk to dawn it deepens. Beautiful days, sweet dreams. The moon shines like never before and life's magic! Until, expectations set in. Virtuality no longer appeals. You long for an affectionate touch, that look in the eyes, a smile, a few words. Imagination sets in. Castles in the air you build, dreaming for a perfect life, with a person as beautiful. Unaware you. The emotional you. The real, humanly you. Reality pushes itself hard. Expectations shatter. Dreams shatter. A part of you is still hopeful, more of unaware. A truth so ugly, hard to believe. Hopes shatter. Devastated and distressful, you stand all alone. A broken heart. A nightmarish encounter. VIRTUALITY

Finding a way, looking for answers within. Lost. Thoughts, memories of past, plans for future. Work, no work. Dark. In search of light.. A tiff, between the heart and mind. Expectations and dreams. The world outside, a bigger one inside. An ocean,  leaping and swelling. Thought, no thought. Calm. A sudden tide, restlessness. Sleep, no sleep. An effort to fit in , a desire to stand out. War. In search of peace.